I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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