I need help removing her.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
