I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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