A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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