We won't sleep together?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
