I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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