Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
