This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
