well most of my day revolves around power hour
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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