Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
