I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
