did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
