Jerry, you need to find god
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
