i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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