There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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