i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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