U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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