Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
