Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
