Having a random hookup so left but love u
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
