So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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