i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
