Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
