you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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