I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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