Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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