you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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