My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
