How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
