She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ruined the universe
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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