Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
