good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
