RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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