I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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