As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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