I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
