Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
