then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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