you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize