Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My bed smells like the plague
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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