im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize