I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
