So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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