Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We left an ass print on the piano.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
