You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
