Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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