before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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