Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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