i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
