He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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