I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
