worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I touched a dick in church today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
