If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
