It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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