There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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