oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
