I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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