I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
