I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
