I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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