i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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