A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
